Wrestling with God

I am reading a book by my favorite worship leader, David Ruis.  The title of the book is The Justice God is Seeking.  David is one of those rare worship leaders who can worship, evangelize, preach, proclaim, and challenge all at the same time.  If you listen to any of his albums, which I highly recommend that you do, you will worshiping and right in the middle of it all, you might hear that still small voice challenging you to a higher way of living.

I love to be challenged by the Lord.  Those of you who know my preaching, know that I also love to pass that challenge along.  There are times when you have to wrestle some things out with God (Gen. 32:23-25) by yourself.  There are no quick answers and no sermons to listen to help you through it.  As I am reading this book, I am in one of those moments; wrestling, sweating it out, trying desperately to get my point across.  Just when I thought that I was winning, Jehovah Tricky (to steal a phrase from my good friend Jim Hill), did one of those MMA leg twists on me.  As I write this, I find myself laying on the mat, knowing that I am whipped, but still trying to find a way to honorably get up without losing face.  

As I wrestle with God's justice on the earth and what that cost is for myself and my family, pray for me.  I will let you know what I learn after I surrender. 

Run to the Father

He sat in the office staring straight ahead.  He looked like he had no emotions at all, but I knew that behind those steady, black, eyes he was scared.  He did not fidget, move, or answer our questions.  When he finally spoke, his voice was steady, only someone familiar with the culture could detect the slight tremble in his voice.

I have been working with orphans in Cambodia since 2002.  I have been the international director of Heritage House for eight years.  I have dealt with many Khmer children and youth and I knew what was going on inside of his mind.  He was afraid that he had disgraced himself and he was afraid of "losing face" with the staff and other children.  So, instead of asking for forgiveness, he was going to save his dignity and be kicked out of the house.

His name is Dyna.  He is 14 years old and he enjoys playing computer video games with his friends at the internet cafe.  He is doing an internship at a local moto repair shop while on summer holiday from school.  His boss had let him off an hour early and he had gone to play games with his friends.  One hour rolled into the next until finally it was 7 pm and he wondering where the time went.

Instead of returning to the house and telling the dorm mothers what had happened, he went to a near-by field and spent the night alone.  During the night, we prayed, searched, and worried about Dyna.  The next morning he awoke and went back to the internet cafe.  Vutha and Srey Oun found him there sometime that day.

So here we sat, trying to decide what to do with Dyna in the Heritage House office.  As I look back over how he arrived here, I am reminded of my own life.  As you hear his story, you might be reminded of yours as well.  It starts with one bad decision.  We do something that seems right in the moment, but it is not long before what felt right is now turning out to be, well, not right.  It is draining our time, our energy, and taking us away from the things that matter - our Father, our family, our real friends, and our focus. The next thing you know, one hour is two, two hours are three and now it is dark.  Its much harder to find your way home in the dark.  Instead of going back to the place that is safe, we find ourselves alone in a field.  We are cold, afraid, and scared while everyone at home is warm, secure, and sleeping peacefully.

Dyna was afraid of what Vutha and I would think of him.  He thought that in his sin, we were going to be harsh with him.  The truth is, we were both teenagers once.  We know what it is like to make unwise decisions and although we would not excuse his transgression, we were more worried about his safety and would surely forgive him if he asked.  The fathers in his life were a safe place.  We love Dyna and see the potential in him.  Where he saw failure, we saw immaturity.  Where he felt hopeless, we felt hopeful.  Where he felt defeat, we felt confident that victory was near.

Like Dyna, we have a Father who is a safe place for us.  When we make mistakes, when we absolutely blow it, when we find ourselves lost, alone, and cold, we can run to our Father and He will receive us.  All we have to do is admit that we sinned and He will be there with open arms to receive us.  Jesus told a pretty good story about lost sons in Luke 15.  If you find yourself lost, pick up a Bible and read it for yourself.  You might be surprised what your Father's response will be if you come back home.

Dyna finally broke down and asked everyone to forgive him.  He was surprised at our reaction and acceptance.  His "friends" had told him that we would be mad and that he would never be forgiven.  He was welcomed not only by us, but also by the other children.  We were all worried about him.  The other children were thrilled that he was back home as well.  If you are away from home, I suspect that you will be shocked at how the "other children" respond to you when you return.  The Father sets the tone for that, and as His children look to Him and see His concern and love, they respond accordingly.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins

and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9     

Habits

I have a hole in my right shoe.  It is right in the arch between the ball of my foot and my heel.  As a matter of fact, I have a hole in the exact same spot in most of my shoes.  It's not because I walk funny, although I do have this mix of western and Asian strolling going on nowadays.  I have a hole there because of the way that I ride motorcycles.

I got my first dirt bike when I was 10 years old.  It was a 1978 Honda XR 75.  It was a few years old when I got it, but it shined that first day.  I learned how to ride in cow pastures, on dirt roads, and the lake bottoms.  I graduated to a XR 200 when I was 14 (that's when I started breaking bones, too many to count).  Then to a KDX 200 my senior year of high school.  Since then I have had a variety of mopeds, dirt bikes, and street bikes in the United States and Asia.  I love to ride.  It is my primary source of transportation in Cambodia.  In our first five years of living here, I put 20,000 miles on a dirt bike.  That's a lot of miles riding primarily on semi-paved roads, dirt roads, and, on occasion, through rice paddies.

Because I have ridden for so long, I have ingrained habits.  Because I used to race a little and ride the lake bottoms a lot, I sit a certain way on a motorcycle.  I hold the clutch with two fingers, always.  When things are getting a little hairy, I slide up on the seat, never worry about the back wheel, just focus on the front, I pull my elbows up, and play the throttle according to the situation.  I rarely use my back brake, except to slow for certain kinds of corners.  So, I always put my right foot on the edge of the peg and it wears a hole in my shoe.

My riding style is a habit.  When things get really sticky, I have 32 years worth of habit to lean on to get me out of it.  My other habits, ones far more important, are prayer and Bible reading.  So, when life gets a little sticky, I have something that automatically kicks in and I can lean on and trust to get me out of the situation.